Have you ever felt ready for change but wasn’t sure exactly what change you needed to make? Chances are there was something you wanted to start letting go of.
In my last article on How to Manifest What You Want, I was ready for a change from the city to a quieter environment and I took the first step.
What unfolds after the first step is a mystery when you choose to flow with your joy, gut, and the opportunities that present themselves along the way.I continued my journey into a small island community. I was still looking for “the place” and started to look at rentals in various communities. One caught my eye and was an excuse to travel a few hours away to a more southern part of Vancouver Island.
I walked away unimpressed and asking myself What am I really looking for?
I reminded myself why I left the city in the first place and a part of it was to find a more nature-filled small community and another was to learn more about horses and the budding field of equine facilitated wellness and equine therapy.
So I kept knocking on doors to see what would happen.
I found a position that seemed like a dream. I spent hours completely remodeling my resume just to find out the job was just given away.
To say I was bummed was an understatement.
I said to one of my friends “Why couldn’t I have a lucky break just this once, why can’t things work out?
I was totally drowning in the victim mindset.Now let me say – there is a time to give the victim the space he/she needs to receive acknowledgement and compassion.
The victim is not a “bad” state it is simply a state. And it’s not a place you want to get stuck in if you want to move on with your life and keep walking to your dreams and highest joy.
So I went back to fixing up my resume and thinking about other jobs and within hours this ranch writes back that the person she just hired bailed on her and can I call her.
What? This was divine intervention at its finest. Was I finally going to get the job of my dreams?It was all looking pretty amazing. There were a few red flags I chose to brush aside thinking I can deal with that, but as I kept thinking about the magnitude of work I started to wonder if this was humanly possible for one person. My doubts were creeping in louder by the minute.
I kept delaying and not giving her an answer.
This gave her more time to think and look at other candidates.
When I went back to her with a host of detailed questions she started to say “You know I’ve had time to think about it and actually normally a couple comes because the work is quite physically demanding” After all there were 16 horses, ponies and cows to look after.
I felt my whole body sigh in relief. I didn’t try to fight her or even quip up “I can do that” Because deep down as much as the place looked like an ideal fit on many levels my body was telling me that the haste by which I was needed and the reality of the work was not in alignment with the calm pace of life I wanted.
Yet I was still intrigued by the place. A little more chatting and I found out there was an opportunity to volunteer. This now appeared like the dream scenario. An opportunity to be with horses, learn about horses, and see where this volunteer opportunity could go in the future. I’d be in an environment that was focused on spiritual healing with horses, it all seemed too good to be true and I was elated.
During all of this I was also working towards conquering a major fear: Finally learning to drive ! I invested time and money in lessons, reading and watching YouTube videos on every driving technique. I was studying as if I was in school. I passed the road test, searched for a vehicle found one that seemed perfect and I was off to the ranch.
The ranch had been the dream. I mean one of the major reasons I was finally motivated to get my license was so that I could get out to areas that you can’t get to by public transportation.
To keep a long story short, and to keep the message clear, my experience taught me two lessons:
1. What we think is a loss is not a loss.
Initially when I first saw the posting and that the position was already filled I was bummed. Although the turn of events shifted, I found myself filled with gratitude that I did not initially and hastily say yes to the job once it did become available to me. Always trust your soul and your instinct.
Sometimes doubt is your friend.
I witnessed two experienced people burning the candle at both ends and still in need of extra help. The job was not cut out for one.
I learned – what might feel like a “Why can’t I be lucky” is actually “I am so lucky”2. If you have to convince yourself about something – it’s a sign it’s not something you truly want.
I found myself searching for a reason to stay. My thinking mind would keep saying “one month is a short time” and my thinking mind would try to convince me why I should stay. My soul knowing knew that the energy of the place was not in alignment with me and I was not going to have the opportunity to learn any more than I had in the time I had already been there.
I could have stayed longer, I kept trying to find reasons to stay. And I knew if I stayed it would be fine, but my soul knew that leaving would bring me more joy.
It was one of those moments where there was no wrong choice. But there was a very clear soul choice.Was I going to go with my soul and honour my heart, gut and joy, or was I going to follow the conditioned part of the thinking mind that wants to caution about making the most of things.
My soul would always come back and whisper “You’ve already made the most of things”
I knew I would wake up the next day and leave. Despite the mixed feelings in my mind, my soul knew it was time to continue on my way.
I was embarking again upon what felt like a scary highway drive.
I was up in the mountains and making my way south on one of the highways often deemed “the most dangerous”
I was met with periods of heavy rain. I stayed focused and used my breathing to stay present even when visibility was really bad on a 120km/hour highway with high elevation and windy roads.
All of a sudden my car makes a really bad noise. I pray to god in impatience- Please make that go away!
The noise wasn’t going anywhere. It was getting worse. I was freaked out but I’m on the middle of a raging highway – what choice do I have? I hoped to make it to the next town and get it checked out.
The noise gets worse and the car starts to feel different. My body begins to freak out. Then a big Semi honks at me, and I knew this was his way of saying there was a Major Problem.
Somehow I get myself off to the side of this raging highway on a small stretch off the start of exit 231 between Merritt and Hope. I think in these moments our animal instinct or angels kick in, because I don’t remember how I managed to pull off at what was really a perfect spot. I see my car smoking. I get out of the car and call 911. I don’t know what to do and I am freaked out and in disbelief. Maybe this is what shock is.
The dispatcher is kind, does a wonderful job in deescalating my state of anxiety and informs me that firetrucks can’t get out there. Luckily the smoking was not getting worse and lucky there was no fire (though any longer and it could have been!)
As the dispatcher hears me tell her that it’s not getting worse and I ask her if I should call the Automobile Association for roadside assistance she said yes.
I find myself in total gratitude that last minute before I left I bought a membership. I’m told I’ve been bumped to priority due to the severity of where I am located but that it will still be about an hour.
So I’m stranded on the edge of this raging highway still feeling a bit freaked out if my car is going to blow. Within 15 minutes a tow truck comes – could it be that BCAA is early?
No. It’s not BCAA, it’s a guardian angel. An elder man full of tattoos, long hair, and a long beard stopped just to see if I was ok. When I told him BCAA was on the way he still offered to look at my car and checked the engine and said “This is not good, but it’s good you have help on the way”.
Then he started saying nothing short of the soul messages I needed to hear
“You know, you never know what you avoided by not being on that highway now. Everything is for a reason. This might seem bad but it could have been something worse up ahead”.
Then he says, “You know it might be frustrating to have this happen and all the money you’ll have to spend that wasn’t in your plans, but you have your health – that’s what’s important” He then asks me my name and tells me he’s Pat.
Pat was my first guardian angel that day.
When the tow truck guy came he was just as kind. He looked under the vehicle an said “This is bad. This is catastrophic engine failure” It was well over an hour in the tow truck making our way to Hope to the mechanic shop. James the tow truck driver acted as my therapist for the first part of the ride as I shared my frazzled state and asked a bunch of questions about cars and what happened. He told me what happened to my vehicle was inevitable and that this highway – the Coquihalla along with Crowsnest highway are the 2 highways where if there is anything wrong with your vehicle you’ll find out on these highways as they are really tough.
The rest of the ride was great entertainment as he told me about a documentary series he was part of called Highway Through Hell based on the highway I was on.
Despite the outward shock of it all and being in a situation that was something inconceivable to me, and led me to be stuck in a hotel in the town of Hope for a few days, I found myself simultaneously in a state of deep gratitude and acceptance that was surprising me.
In the past I would have gone down the victim rabbit hole of “Why me” and this time not a cell in my being wondered that. My soul had a knowing that this simply is.
Years ago Caroline Myss had an incredible Ted Talk where she talks about how people always want to know “Why me?” and she says what if an angel said “Just because” What if there is no reason, what if things just happen.
What if all the spiritual lessons are found within how we show up when life unfolds especially during the unexpected and challenging.The true spiritual experience is in how we take the experience in – do we take it as an opportunity to feel like life is shit or unfair or do we witness the miracles and grace?
Although hefty mechanic bills and hotel bills and being stranded wasn’t on my dream list of adventures, the truth is, the kindness from strangers and spiritual messengers who came to me through the people I met – from the tow truck driver to the woman at the grocery store to the woman at the health food store (all stories for future articles) filled me with more joy, alignment, and spirit than my time at the spirit retreat center.
This experience reminded me that illusion is real, and sometimes the most spiritual soulful heart fulfilling experiences happen in the places that would appear to be the least spiritual, and sometimes places that label themselves as spiritual are a total illusion doused in toxicity.
What I’ve learned on this segment of the journey is:
· Our spiritual teachers don’t always look and dress the way we may expect them to
· Our angels may not be who or where we’d expect to find them
· Sometimes where we think we’ll find healing we find pain, which ultimately will bring us back to healing, so all in all there are no wrong paths.
Life is always unfolding, the greatest things happen when we live in flow and follow our knowing and our soul
If you’re on your journey and struggling to find the meaning and insight of it all – personal coaching and Ecotherapy can help. Click here to find out more about working with me personally.