Tova Payne

Coaching you to take action on your Dreams with clarity, confidence + connection

Making A Shift & Daring to Change Course:

Making a shift in your life and daring to change course can be scary. The uncertainty around change often relates to not knowing what’s next. The paradox: needing to figure out what’s next can stop you from seeing what’s next.

When you have multiple talents/skills/likes – it can be difficult to narrow down what your business/work focus will be.

There’s an underlying societal pressure to make a choice and clearly state “I am a…….”

In business there’s this idea of having a niche, and in work there’s an idea of choosing a career.

For many of us, this is something we’re taught at a young age. Often there’s a coercion to go to school and figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life (and you’re expected to somehow know this in High School when you’re only 17 or 18…Is this not insanity!?)

The truth is, we are dynamic beings. And if you consider yourself creative, with multiple passions/things you’re fascinated in/want to explore—it’s going to be excruciatingly difficult to choose one thing and say “This is it. This is my career. Forever”

When you force yourself to be or do something that is unnatural to your nature/your soul/your being – the by-product of going against the current is friction. And friction can become agitation, frustration and depression.

For the last two years I’ve become increasingly fascinated by the wisdom from horses, a field of psychology known as equine-facilitated psychology. My fascination sharpened when I was on a retreat in Big Sur and became introduced to the work of Linda Kohanov – a pioneer in the field.

In her book The Way of the Horse she shares how depression is often a stop sign from the soul, and agitation is often a signal of incongruency /or trespassing a boundary.

When you feel forced to go against your nature and choose a career path or start a business that isn’t really you – eventually your soul will scream louder and louder to stop. This can manifest in depression, fatigue, lethargy, loss of your spark.
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An Unconventional Way to Increase Your Focus and Discipline:

This week a reader wrote in asking for help on a topic that many people can relate to: “I’m struggling with not having discipline: I often lose my focus and get distracted and even though I really want to stay determined. I just can’t keep that determination for long – Please Help”

I think we all feel this way from time to time. It’s also a question I often get, and have written about it in many ways in the past via these articles:

  1. How to beat procrastination
  2. The-power-of-focus
  3. The secret to getting-things-done
  4. Why-following-your-dreams-is-not-the-answer

Today I have another approach to share:

Start with your body.

Now, if your goal is related to your body then this tip will be a double-hitter, but let’s say you’re struggling to focus on your work, then today’s tip may surprise you.
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What a millionaire told me about marketing:

Earlier this year I shared the stage with a millionaire at a Vancouver Networking Event. We were both on stage giving talks that night, and at the end of it we started chatting. I love learning from people, and was all ears to his insights on business and marketing.
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Entrepreneurship: The Truth Nobody’s Telling You:

The truth about entrepreneurship?

If someone told you that you had to work for 2-5 years and barely get paid a dime would you do it? (And yes, I’m talking about profit. Because even if you make 10-60K/year, depending on your business there are expenses that can far outweigh the cash you bring in the door, and at the end of the day your books can close with you taking home barely a dime….And even if you take home 10-20K—in North America that’s barely enough to pay rent and food. Basically be prepared for this. Have savings. And if you luck in and make more cash than you projected for—awesome! But just know that this is quite common and you shouldn’t feel like a failure if you’re not earning money right away)
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Burn things down to create something new

Sometimes you gotta burn things down to create something new.  As Deepak Chopra says “To create something new we have to die to what is”

The creative process demands that we kill off what isn’t working so that we can focus our attention on the most important thing.

Focus is a precious commodity.

Like a garden—in order for the flowers to flourish you need to take out the weeds – so that the nourishment can be focused into what you want to grow.

Back in 2001 I worked in a vineyard to make some extra cash, and I was instructed to cut out lots of vines. All the vines looked good. It wasn’t that some vines were rotten or ugly. They were all good vines. But I still had to cut perfectly good vines away. The reason was: the only way to get a truly excellent grape was to have less vines so that the nutrients could get focused to a smaller number of vines – creating a greater quality and more expensive wine.

Less is more.
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Is Fear Stopping You From Reaching Your Full Potential?

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was an easy-button solution to overcome fear?

Well I’ll tell you: if this existed everyone would buy The Easy-Button-Fear-Solution—but no such solution exists.

Not all fear is bad. There are two types of fear: one exists to caution you. It’s telling you to stop because it will take you off your path/further away from your vision—creating an unnecessary detour and making the trip to your goal longer than it needs to be.

The other fear is the very thing that will lead you forward to fulfilling your dream.
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How to Create Healthy Boundaries: An 8-step Process

Boundaries: What are they, How to figure them out, And feel good about standing your ground:

Picture this:

You start your day off  on a strong note—You’ve meditated, prayed for a good day, and repeated your morning affirmations: You’re set to face the day.

A client calls “Hey, I was wondering if I could cancel our meeting this afternoon and reschedule for tomorrow”

Although you thought your morning practices buffered your confidence and strength—you find yourself wavering.

Actually, there’s no doubt: you feel your body sink and think “This client is not worth the headache” Yet you smile through the phone lines “Sure, no problem, what time would you like?”

Sound at all familiar?

This kind of scenario can pop up in work or relationships. Saying yes when you want to say no.

At the root of it all is healthy boundaries.

What are boundaries?
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