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As I begin to wrap up the first course at VCC on Theories of Adult Education, I've been inspired by something I've learned in one of the theories of Adult Education, which primarily comes from the Experiential Learning Model, and this is the power of reflection.
Reflection papers aren't just an opportunity to journal thoughts. Rather they serve the purpose to deepen and integrate the learning. Like many people I grew up in a classroom that was likely based on the behaviourism model: An expert teacher lectures and the student listens. This model continued through University and even other career colleges I attended. However this type of instruction is limited in such that it does not allow for the depth of integration that other learning models invite. The process of active conscious reflection creates space for a learner to absorb and retain information at a higher level, and within that there is often a changed behaviour or an inspired action that transpires. At VCC they use the ORID model for reflection papers which begins with an objective—the thing you are learning about, then to reflect on it (your emotional response) then to interpret it by doing further research to reflect at a deeper level your thoughts on the information, and then to close with a decisional statement - which is based on the new learning, and what action you intend to integrate. This model allows one to truly integrate a piece of knowledge at a deep level and it invites a change through inspired action. I am inspired to share this model at a deeper level with students in the future as it is a very helpful way to support the integration of education. All Rights Reserved 2022 This blog post is the third in a series of talking about trends in both the field and in adult education based on my recent new studies at VCC.
I connected with my learning partner who's in the field of Nursing and I found our conversation quite fascinating and eye opening. I'm particularly fascinated and grateful to have a learning partner in the field of Nursing because at one point, I went back to school for a second degree in Nursing. I was astonished by the scope and depth a Nurse needs to learn and understand, and I also began to see the reality of the role. At the time, I made the choice to leave Nursing—though that experience forever changed my perception of the Nursing profession - leaving me with a high respect for the gravity of work and responsibility a Nurse endures. So, in speaking to my learning partner - I saw this at an escalated rate, especially with the recent events of Covid and the toll that has taken on Nurses, and the trends she reported in the field of Nursing. The main trends have been major burnout and quitting en mass. Many people are leaving the profession after forced overtime, forced increase in patient load, and forced to be in different units than one is trained for. For example an OR Nurse being forced into ICU who is not equipped to dispense drugs or the duties of ICU but due to nursing shortages would be forced to the ICU when the need was great during Covid. This created more work for the charge nurses and regular ICU nurses who now had to also train these nurses while also taking care of an overload of patients. This paints a picture that is just the tip of the iceberg of the gravity of stress placed upon Nurses during Covid. Additionally, the overabundance of sick and dying people in the ICU took a toll on mental and emotional health. After all—although Nurses are overworked beyond human capacity, they are humans and not robots. With that comes emotional heartache when seeing so much death around you - more than is typical to see which is what Covid brought into the experience of the lives of Nurses. As explained by my learning partner: What became clear is that Canada's Health Care System is broken and Nurses feel it is clear that the BC Health Authority does not care about nurses. They don't care about the individuals, they simply see nurses as bodies to do the job. This is devastating. No wonder there is a trend to mass exodus in the Nursing Profession. Additionally, as BC sees this problem emerging, they are opening more seats in the Nursing Programs at Colleges and Universities. However the problem is a shortage of Nursing Instructors due to the overall sense of burnout. Despite the burnout, my learning partner said something along the lines of "At the heart of it, I still care about the nursing profession, and I'd like to teach the new nurses about the core values of empathy and the humanistic side to Nursing." The unfortunate problem rests in the government's lack of support to ensure nurses are supported. On another note, in speaking with my learning partner we also spoke about the trends in adult education, and we both saw a trend towards an increase of online learning, along with an increase in the trend of hybrid education. For example, in Nursing this means the theoretical concepts are taught online while the hands-on application happens in the classroom. This hybrid model is also used in Spa Therapy programs at the College I teach for, and I can see it being a helpful learning approach across many modalities. All Rights Reserved 2022 According to a recent blog post written by Bernard Marr at Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/bernardmarr/2022/02/18/the-five-biggest-education-and-training-technology-trends-in-2022/?sh=2be843a32f4d the trends in adult education show a heightened increase in online education. This is certainly a trend catapulted by Covid 19 where even Universities and Colleges were forced online.
However this was already an emerging trend, it's simply that covid catalyzed the rate by which this was occurring. The 5 main takeaways from the Forbes articles are: 1. An increase of education moving online. I've already witnessed this at the College I work for. Before Covid this was a completely on-ground educational institution. Covid shifted the landscape of the school where the entire curriculum went online, even subjects that at one point seemed they could only be held in person. This required innovative thinking, creative leadership, openness, and adaptability from instructors and students. 2. Learning is extending beyond high school and college. Although for our grandparents generation and even likely our parent generation most education happened pretty early in life, today, the rate by which technology changes, ongoing trainings and education is required in order to keep up, and learning is really a lifelong process. Additionally, I find many people enrol in education programs for their own personal development and not always just to get a job. In the field of mind body wellness, I believe this is an advantage, as it shows that people care about enhancing their lives. 3. There are new immersive intelligence trainings that simulate environments to support the training process such as with surgeons and firefighters (Forbes, 2022). I think this is brilliant and an effective way to strengthen the learning process. I think if this was brought into the various fields of mind-body wellness, that it would serve students-in-training in their confidence as they build their skill in working with individuals and groups in their chosen area of expertise. 4. An emerging trend of artificial intelligence includes an ability for things such as grading papers. This I find a bit unnerving as I don't feel any robot can have the human connection that cares when grading a student's paper. It seems to take the soul out of it. I guess it does depend a bit on the subject matter. I am not really a fan of this trend. However I can see how it helps logistically when it comes to time, especially as teachers are rarely compensated for the time they put into grading. 5. Another emerging trend is called nano-learning - learning in bite sized chunks. I can see the benefit here of clear focused learning. And, I can see this playing into the epidemic of increasing low-attention spans and expectation of instant gratification. I am not sure if this is effective in the long run, however I might be biased coming from a time where it was expected to read whole textbooks for every course. Overall, the implications of these trends in the coming years, and the preparation required will be an overall sense of adaptability and willingness to remain open and learn. Already with the move to online education it has required swift adaptability to learn zoom classroom, online learning platforms such as Moodle to post course content, assignments, and tests, as well as learning online softwares for grading. As the field and technology continues to develop it will require instructors to remain adaptable to learning new and emerging technologies and online platforms that may enhance the overall learning experience for learners. Reference: Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/bernardmarr/2022/02/18/the-five-biggest-education-and-training-technology-trends-in-2022/?sh=2be843a32f4d all rights reserved 2022 Today's blog, inspired by my new studies at VCC [You can learn more on their facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/VCCSchoolOfInstructorEducation/] —I'll be talking about some of the trends I've discovered in the field of Mind-Body Wellness.
The field of mind-body wellness can encapsulate a wide range of modalities. Based on my experience I am speaking of the areas of psychology, holistic nutrition, yoga, mindfulness, life coaching, and the intersection of spirituality and science. In an article by Margo Badzioch, a Market Research Lead [Source: https://www.mindbodyonline.com/business/education/blog/wi/7-wellness-trends-watch-2022] She shares that "Mental health was ranked the most important dimension of wellness by the greatest number of Americans." When I hear that, I am happy that mental health is seen as increasingly important. I believe taking care of our mental fitness is as important as taking care of our physical fitness. Furthermore, more people are talking about trauma-informed practices being integrated in all aspects of wellness from trauma informed yoga, to teaching in a trauma-informed manner (https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/health-and-wellness-trends) I've noticed in the College I work at, classes are taught from a trauma-informed lens, and both life coaching and counselling are taught through a trauma-informed lens. When I teach yoga, I teach from a trauma-informed lens. This can even mean giving options, and giving permission, and recognizing that some things may not feel safe for somebody that has experienced trauma or somebody that may have PTSD or c-PTSD, thus by being trauma informed and approaching wellness through the lens allows for a more inviting and inclusive environment for all, with the hope to create more safety and a sense of space, freedom, and acceptance. Another unfortunate trend in the field of mental health/wellness is that since covid 19 there has been higher rates in adolescents facing mental health issues. The school closures and constant changes took a toll, and there is a need to address the mental health of youth https://www.facetsjournal.com/doi/10.1139/facets-2021-0078 Although there is a lot of opposing views on whether lockdowns and mandates were appropriate, we cannot negate the damaging mental-health effects it caused, and it is important to give space time and care to meet the mental health needs of those affected, particularly youth Additionally, another trend in mental-health is that more services are being offered online at an increased rate since Covid began, and according to The American Psychological Association - this trend is here to stay (https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/01/trends-online-therapy) Although the regulated profession of psychology has more privacy rules than unregulated professions such as coaching, it used to be an emerging trend to see clients online. I used to see clients on Skype before Zoom became popular! However in the last few years, I have found from my experience too that the trend to go online became more and more accepted, which in my mind allows for more freedom and flexibility in how people get the support they are looking for. Overall, the trends of increased interest in importance of mental health is a step in a positive direction. I am inspired to be part of creating more learning and support in the field of mind-body wellness and learning more in the years to come. Additionally, the trend towards trauma informed is a positive one that I hope continues to spread across other industries, and the trend towards online is something I am prepared for, as I enjoy being able to work remotely. This blog was written as part of a class assignment for VCC, in this journey of returning to the classroom. A recap of Sources used in this blog: https://www.mindbodyonline.com/business/education/blog/wi/7-wellness-trends-watch-2022 https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/health-and-wellness-trends https://www.facetsjournal.com/doi/10.1139/facets-2021-0078 https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/01/trends-online-therapy All Rights Reserved 2022 It's been some time since I've been back in the classroom, and now I find myself enrolled at VCC for the Provincial Instructor Diploma Program where we are asked to blog, beginning with a short autobiography.
I feel I have a long history of being at school - from starting University at 17, to going back to a career college for a diploma in natural nutrition, to studying yoga, and many other informal courses and apprentice-style learning such as mentoring with an executive coach that followed for several years. In 2011 I even did a short stint going back for a second university degree in Nursing - a degree I decided to step away from - one of the first times I did not complete an educational training, which was a learning curve in it's own right. As somebody who believed quitting is not an option - that experience taught me that sometimes quitting is the right option. Then for years after that I dove right back into my entrepreneurial endeavours - which included writing and publishing my first paperback that focused on a body-mind-spirit approach to health and wellness with a focus on the 8 pillars of nutrition. At around that time, I started to dedicate myself to learning business. I took an online course and obsessively read books, and for good measure was an avid watcher of Shark Tank ;) By 2014 an opportunity to teach business at the Nutrition School I had once attended became available to me. I took a short Instructors Course, and was already quite familiar with teaching as I had been teaching Yoga for nearly a decade by that point and had lead yoga teacher trainings. However teaching in an academic classroom was very different than teaching on a mat or the informal style of a yoga teacher training. Nevertheless, certain qualities of holding space for students and managing classroom dynamics, and using all your senses to teach the class and not the content came in handy. I still find this to be an important balance - to teach the people in front of you versus being rigid on a plan. Teaching was fulfilling, and at times draining, as I've always been one to feel a lot of energy from others. I was also running around town at the time teaching at various colleges on top of teaching yoga classes. So when an opportunity presented itself to be a Facilitator in the Northwest Territories I figured - how could I pass this up? Never in my life did I ever expect to travel North of 60, let alone live there, so I gave up my comforts of Vancouver including the many lucrative instructor positions I had amassed over the years to leap into the unknown. My time up North presented an education like no other. I saw a part of Canada that was unlike anywhere else I've seen in Canada. I had an opportunity to go to some small northern communities that had reminded me of times I travelled in Central America back in my early 20s. I also learned that after braving -50, there was no weather that could stop me from being outside, as outside is my favourite place to be. After my year up North I returned to Vancouver and enrolled at Rhodes Wellness College. Although my background had been in Psychology I felt my counselling knowledge was out of date, and I was looking for a refresher, along with a time-out to figure out my next move along my career journey. Rhodes had an experiential style of learning and openness that was something I had only experienced back at my yoga teacher training back in 2006, and I did not realize a College would have such an open hearted learning environment. I enjoyed and appreciated it and although I had an education in health coaching and had apprenticed with a coach and had worked as a coach, I decided to take another semester to obtain my official Life Coaching Certification. In a way I was using this time to figure out my next move, as I was certainly in a place of life-transition at the time. I left Rhodes and decided it was time to get out of the city and found my way to island. I wasn't completely sure what my next step would be, but I'd always been an entrepreneur in the health and wellness realm, and stepping into the unknown was something I'd done many times before. Just as I was preparing to leave Rhodes a new President came to the College, and in a meeting with him I was granted a short contract to develop some new programming. The new President saw my background, the fact I had a published a book and took a bet on me to work on some new course developments. Well that initial short contract turned into a bigger contract and now over 2 years later I am still with the college on a part time basis working remotely from the island, while still involved with my entrepreneurial pursuits as a Life Coach, Writer, and building my vision of Ecotherapy Adventures - the healing path of nature's wisdom as teacher. Being involved in curriculum development I was presented with the opportunity to take the Provincial Instructor Diploma Program at VCC - and so now, here I am - back in the classroom - an unexpected yet deeply appreciated opportunity. Although I do not know the full scope of where this will lead, I am embracing the practice of being present, and doing my best to show up fully while juggling multiple projects. A quote that's been coming to me lately has been "The Tao does nothing but leaves nothing undone" -Lao Tzu - The Tao is the way, the flow of life. I find when I remember to flow, that all things will fall into place and this is certainly a lesson that is coming up for me now as I do my best to flow with the range of work and educational opportunities that are are with me now. Copyright Tova Payne 2022. Happy February! I hope this month has started off well. For many of us we are still right in the depths of winter, and it's still not that far from the start of a new year - a time we often set new goals and think about what we want to create in the year ahead.
Having a goal is part of the process. Sometimes even taking time to clarify what goal we want can take some inner reflection. Once we clarify our goal, the next step is to commit to it so that we have the drive to create. Conscious commitment is a powerful force and can drive us when times get tough. As we walk off the edge of the start of 2022, but still in the freshness of the start of a new year my questions to you, if you are so inspired for some inner reflection & creation are: 1. What are you inspired to bring into your life? 2. What is something you are willing to commit to? 3. What will your commitment look like? (These are the boundaries around commitment, for example committing to a yoga practice for a minimum of two times a week for the next 8 weeks is an example of a clear commitment 4. What do you hope to create? (Creation can be building a desk, writing an article, starting a side business, or building a state of mind and wellness - not all creation is in physical form, some is a state of mind. Using the yoga example - the commitment might be with the goal to create space for inner relaxation and inner connection) This is the simple version of the power of Commit & Create. Commit & Create is also the name of the new program I am launching: It's a personalized 4-week coaching series where one week at a time we go from clarity, to commitment, to creation to maintenance plan. To Learn More—CLICK HERE To learn more about this program - either click here, or you can reply to this message - we can either book a quick discovery call if you have some questions and want to make sure this is the right fit, or if you're familiar with my work, we can simply launch right into Commit & Create! And for those of you not looking for personalized support - carving out the time to reflect, clarify, commit and create - are, I hope powerful core ideas that will help launch your dream for this month (or year) into reality :) “Nature abhors a vacuum” ~Aristotle What’s the relationship between decluttering and manifesting abundance? Well, Aristotle’s quote sums it up. Just as nature abhors a vacuum, so does our life. However, if our lives are filled with clutter there is no space for something new to enter.
This is why as we declutter and create space – physically, mentally and emotionally, we give space for the new to manifest. Everything comes from space – and although throwing things away can feel scary – sometimes we are attached to things we don’t even like or use, yet think “Well one day I may need this” — It actually blocks new things from entering. Here are 5 simple ways to declutter today: 1. Declutter your closet There might be one item, there might be a carload of items, but if there are items in your closet that you don’t love, or use – it is time to let it go. If this feels difficult – you can place a boundary around it and tell yourself you will let go of 5 items. Every item makes a difference. Not only will this free up space physically, it frees up space energetically and you are helping somebody else out in the process. Whether you give these items to a friend, a shelter, or other organization – there are other people who can really benefit from the items you no longer love or use. 2. Declutter you finances Have you putting off organizing or looking at your finances? Whether it’s reviewing your accounts, paying bills, getting taxes in order or if you’re a business owner taking some time to review you last quarter or make new financial goals – taking the time to consciously organize your finances is important. Not only will you feel better, energetically as you clean up, organize, and set goals, it helps your subconscious mind expand into greater financial possibilities and opportunities. Schedule 1-2 hours to clean up, throw away, organize your paperwork, and pay off your bills. Whether you are able to pay it all off, or even a small amount – every bit helps. 3. Declutter your electronics/time with technology This can mean deleting old files taking up space on your computer, your inbox, or apps on your phone. This can also mean taking a conscious digital detox. It might be a digital detox from a specific platform or scheduling a full day or week where you step away from technology and allow your mind the space and freedom to calm down, quiet down and expand. When our mind has space we are able to hear our intuition, and in that we are able to access new insights and creative idea. 4. Declutter your relationships There might be someone specific who every time you hang around them you feel worse than before you interacted with them. This is also known as a toxic relationship. Sometimes, this calls for releasing the relationship completely, or minimizing contact. Whether decluttering means consciously letting go of people in your life that feel heavy or simply being more mindful with the amount of time and energy you give to individuals who weigh you down – decluttering your relationship space is vital to your mental and emotional wellness. In this – you will free up energy for new relationships to flow in and have more joy and abundance in your life. 5. Declutter your pantry Decluttering your pantry can mean several things. It might mean looking through for expired items and tossing what’s past due. It might also mean looking through the items you don’t eat and can give away to a food bank. It can also mean consciously cleaning up what you eat. You don’t need to go on a radical cleanse to detoxify and declutter your body. You can choose to delete refined high-sugar foods and add in more nutrient-dense foods. You can do a pantry clean and make more conscious decisions of choosing more whole foods the next time you are at the grocery store. For a simple basic guide on core nutrition basics – check out my first paperback- I wrote this back in 2013 – but these evergreen principles still hold true today. Click here to get your copy. Whether you choose one area of your life to declutter or 5 or more – every little thing adds up. Declutter one thing today, one thing tomorrow, and feel for yourself the spaciousness and clarity that comes with it. It’s in the space and clarity that we are able to be energized and take conscious action to manifesting the goals we truly desire. If you’re looking for personal support to declutter your life and manifest your goals – schedule a personalized coaching session with me—click here A simple 3 step process to manage any problem:
Being alive means facing problems. When faced with a problem we may feel so blocked and hopeless that a way out seems impossible. However, the moment we take time to clarify the problem, and imagine our desired alternative situation—then, we can begin to create a plan to move from where we are to where we want to be. It seems really simple, yet when you’re stuck in the mud of a problem it can seem so dark that we can’t see the way clear. This is why taking the time to sit with the problem—to metaphorically sit within the mud of the problem situation we are in, we can allow the mud to settle enough so that we can allow ourselves to visualize what our preferred situation would be. If you’re stuck in hopelessness, it means you’re stuck in the mud and don’t believe that the mud can settle down. The first ingredient is believing that it’s inevitable that the mud will settle down. You need to believe this first to be inspired enough to sit with the problem and allow the mud to settle in your mind. A simple technique to do this is sitting in stillness, also known as grounding or meditation. Simply set a time for 5-20 minutes and be. Focus on your breath as much as you can. Focus on your breath to help clear your mind a little. Focus on your breath to metaphorically invite the mud to settle enough so that you can create some inner space in your mind. Once you can move from hopeless to hope, you are able to visualize and clarify what you do want.It’s best to really sit here for a while, so that your whole body, mind, and emotions ignite with excitement so that you are inspired to take action. The power of visualization is clarifying what you want and inviting your whole system (body, mind, soul) to get onboard with just enough excitement that you feel driven to take even one step forward to your desired outcome situation. Then, make a plan. You might find yourself writing up a clear step by step plan to walk from where you are now to where you want to be, or it might be that you simply know the next step. The next step is the most important, because with each step forward, the next step will appear. In Summary: If you find yourself stuck again, or in some new mud (problem) simply go through the 3-step problem-management process:
You might consider an action big or small, but the truth is we never really know which action will have the biggest impact on our life. Sometimes a very small choice can clear an entire problem, and other times what may feel like a big action step does not remove the entire problem. Stay open-minded as you step forward, and recognize that every step matters. The 3-system approach is rooted in research and a system that counsellors, coaches and advisors often walk people through. Take some time to walk through it, and if you feel you need some guided support—as a certified life coach I can help you walk this journey. Manifest the Way Forward—A step by step guide to deliberate creation:
Manifestation is just a word that means having a conscious and deliberate intention to actualizing a goal, vision, and life you desire. In order to get to where you want to go you need to: 1. Know where you are 2. Know where you want to go It sounds so simple but sometimes our lives get so busy that we don’t pause long enough to take inventory and assess: · How are we feeling? · How are we doing? · Where are we right now? Taking the time to pause, feel, assess and ground into where we are is necessary to take an intentional step forward. Only once we get quiet enough to hear and feel can we heal and clear what may be holding us back. Take the time to pause in order to become aware of what’s in our way, and recognize the steps we need to take to move forward. Wherever you are is your personal step to navigating the way forward, even if the path forward is uncertain with major circumstances outside your control. Step one is take a time out and deliberately sit with yourself and the questions above. It’s like a meditation—or a meeting with yourself. I recommend setting a timer for about 15 minutes and just letting yourself sit with these questions. You can just sit and be present with what comes up, and if that feels difficult you can journal out the thoughts and feelings as a way to clear the mental space. Then, write out in a few sentences where you are at in the areas of your life that feel most significant to you right now. That might be your health, your finances, your relationships, your career direction, or something else. It may be one thing or a few things, give yourself time to assess and feel where you are and sit with it and be with your now reality. Then you can pivot to your desired reality: Take an area of your life and once again, you can set a timer for 15 minutes and reflect and journal or simply sit with what you would like to see happen in your life. For example, if you are unsatisfied in your current work situation, start to write out what would be an ideal work situation, perhaps even write out a dream job description. Start to create a clear vision of what your desire looks like. Then, take a few breaths to help clear your mental space. Mark Divine—former Navy Seal, founder of Seal Fit, and all around inspiring human talks about “box breathing” as a way to strengthen the muscle of mental control. Our minds are powerful and our minds are a pivotal step in the manifestation process. The process is simple: 1. Take 4 counts to inhale 2. Hold your breath for 4 3. Exhale for 4 4. Hold for four And Repeat. Take about 10 breaths this way and notice how you feel. Often this kind of breath work helps to stabilize the nervous system and in as little as 4 breaths your entire state can shift from scattered to calm. Then from a calmer space you can either maintain this breath or simply shift to your natural breath and meditate. ‘Meditate’ simple means being present with your now experience and if your breath is your anchor of focus it simply means being with your breath and noticing where your mind jumps to. Meditation is simply exercise for your mind. It’s not about “being successful by having an empty mind” Rather the success of meditation is simply in the act of choosing to immerse in it. The mere fact that you set time aside to intentionally be with your breath as you notice the wanderings of your mind and emotions is the benefit and success of meditation. It is the way to help clear and settle the mind so that you can act from a clear and intentional place which is way more powerful than operating from a muddled busy state. A friend recently shared with me the analogy that meditation is like allowing the mud to settle so that the water is clear and this is exactly what happens when we sit to meditate. At first there’s often a lot of mud shaking around. Yet as you sit and be still the mud can settle down to the roots and your mind clears as still water. It is in this state of stillness that we can see clearly and be inspired to our next move. Then comes the next step: Visualization: Take 5 or 10 minutes to visualize an aspect of your life that you were working on in one of the previous steps and visualize what you desire. This alone raises your vibration—it raises your energy and your joy. When this happens, there is a mix of life’s magic and our own inner inspiration to know the next step to take. Once we take the time to visualize we can start to see the next steps forward and this is where mini goal come into play. Some of our dreams are huge and require several major steps to set the foundation forward. Other goals are smaller but can still be broken down to small daily steps to turn our desire into reality. Yes, there will always be uncertainty along the way—if 2020 has taught us something this is one major lesson for sure. And despite the truth of life’s uncertainty we are still powerful manifesters of our life. A quick 4-step recap: 1. Breathe to settle the mind 2. Meditate to clear the mind 3. Visualize your desire 4. Take simple small daily steps to your desire—sometimes the first step is writing up the next four steps you think you need to take and start with the first one. As we walk our way forward, remember to keep going for your dreams—life is full of uncertainty and often this includes the most incredible things too. There may be a lot we do not have control on, but our minds are powerful and strong manifesting tools. We can deliberately change our mind, which shifts our emotions, which strengthens our vitality, our energy and joy and gives us the power to take concrete steps forward to living a happier more vital life. Want support to manifest your dreams? Contact me for personal life coaching Jayne sat across from me telling me clearly her side of the story “I’m tired of working at the bank. It’s not just that my boss is aggressive and most of my coworkers pretty catty. Frankly, I could handle that if I loved the job, but I simply don’t.” She then trails off her sentence with “I don’t know….”
Can you relate? —Speaking so clearly, just to be followed by confusion and self-doubt... You may have seen this in yourself, friends, family, colleagues or clients. Speaking with certainty, and then confusion comes in—solidified with the words “I don’t know” As if maybe you have it all wrong. As if everything you think, know, and feel might be off. But deep down it’s not off. You are certain yet fear plugs in with the words “I don’t know.” If you’ve ever caught yourself doing this you’re likely taking a breath of acknowledgement. or wincing in the truth of what you may be scared to admit to yourself. Because our certainty can scare us. Our certainty demands for change. I mean it would be ludicrous to go against certainty. Yet we do it all the time because at the core—we’re afraid to trust ourselves. As explained by Karla McLaren, Author of The Language of Emotions: Confusion acts as the mask of fear, where fear is our intuition speaking to us. Trusting our intuition—our inner sense of certainty, is scary. Especially when other people, money, and sense of security are at stake. I mean we can’t take out a measuring stick and measure our inner certainty—it’s no wonder confusion is a frequent visitor. When confusion comes to visit—it’s a sure sign your intuition is being masked. Essentially confusion asks that we shut out the noise and go deep inside – deep into stillness and hear our inner voice. It might scare you, but you’ll be clear. It’s scary to do this because when we are honest with ourselves and if we don’t make the change being asked of ourselves—it means we are betraying ourselves. It’s easier to stay in a defective situation and simply blame everyone else around us. Going back to Jayne’s story, she could have blamed her lack of happiness on her boss and colleagues, and it would have made perfect sense. But she knew deep down what the real issue was. When you know the real issue then you’re faced with the hefty task of self-responsibility and conscious choice. Self-responsibility is a choice, and, it’s the only empowering choice there is. The alternative is blame, and that’s a pretty toxic place to be. So how do you get from self-doubt and confusion to owning your clarity and then taking responsibility to make a choice that will turn your life around? Here’s a 5-step game plan to move through the process:
The action stage may take awhile, and may require going through the process again of acknowledging what you know and what steps you need to take to keep moving forward. Awareness, self responsibility, daring to look at what needs to change and acknowledging what actions you can take is a huge step. It is the most important process in living a more empowered life – where you operate from your power instead of feeling like a victim. It’s true that life can be unfair. There are times when we are a victim to something horrendous, and there is a time to allow the victim to have its space to mourn the losses, the situation, and fully feel the pain of being a victim. Then, there comes a point where you will recognize it’s time. It’s time to either make a change or stay a victim. It’s time to own your life and pick yourself up and make the changes you can make, or stay where you are. My hope is we all come to that point and choose to make the empowered choice which is rooted in the concept of self-responsibility, owning our truth, and taking courageous action. Sometimes we can do this on our own, and sometimes we need the support of a friend, family member, or professional Coach or Counsellor. Sometimes we need a team of people to support us in moving forward. Invest in yourself by giving yourself what you need to live the way you know you can be living. For personal support from Tova – a Certified Life Skills Counsellor and Certified Life Coach--Click here to contact me |
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