Writer, Advisor + Consultant

4 Things To Do When Things Fall Apart:

The Divine Slam– when everything seems to fall apart at the same time. Even if it’s one thing, if it’s a Big Deal (like the ending of a relationship or job) can feel so heavy that it feels like everything else is coming down with it.

And sometimes those Big Things fall with many other falls raining down at the same time. The heaviness of it all can seem unbearable, even unbelievable. If you’ve been through it and come out the other side, you might be reading this laughing (The knowing laughter of amazement and knowing that in the end everything really does work out).

But if you’re in the midst of this, you might be pulling you hair thinking “How the F am I gonna get through this!?”

If the Divine Slam has hit you, you might have found yourself weeping in the bathroom stall at work, walking down the street tearing behind sunglasses, or getting home just to hit the floor in a puddle of tears.

So what’s the deal with the divine slam?

The Divine Slam comes as a gift. She’s telling us this life is over. She’s letting us know that our current way of being in the world, interacting with others, and our circumstances are about to shift.

When everything seems to be coming undone it’s divine intervention.

If you try to control it and hold it together you’ll suffer longer. But if you yield to the losses, you’ll find yourself emerging into a transformed version of yourself.

How? Here’s 4 Things to Do to Help You Be With What Is When Things Fall Apart:

  1. These types of heavy events ask us to feel and assess.

If you ignore the sadness by drowning it down in alcohol and food, you won’t receive the gift of the Divine Slam. You’ll numb it out and miss the gift that can propel you to change your life. Don’t numb it out! Instead feel it through. Keep breathing. Seriously, it sounds simple, but deep breathing helps.

  1. Allow yourself to embrace it. Feel each one come down. And if you’re not sure what you’re feeling write it out. By naming it you help release it. According to Katherine Woodward Thomas this is a proven method to help us make sense of stressful times. So if it’s anger write it out, if it’s confusion write that out. Write it out to help you make sense of it. Once you name the emotion you’re better able to understand it and release it.
  1. Ask each one: What Do you want from me?

This assignment calls on your inner wisdom. It’s like the assignment in the last blog article where you write down a question to each emotion or each upsetting situation and ask it “Ok–what’s the lesson?” Because once you know the lesson you can let the situation go with more ease.

It might seem simplistic, but it works. Take out a piece of paper, ask the emotion or situation: What are you here to teach me? (literally write this down on a piece of paper)

Then get out a different coloured pen and without thinking write whatever comes to mind. Keep doing this. Often what comes out of the pen is wisdom that surprises our own eyes. This is your higher self/inner wisdom/intuition speaking to you and helping you gain clarity on what’s been going on.

  1. The Divine Slam asks us to stop. Often what we need is a nap–whether that’s a literal 20-minute nap or taking every night off from the internet/work/anything that takes up a lot of energy. Allow yourself to move into do-nothing time where your focus is self-care.

This could be lying on the ground on a mat in Savasana (a yoga pose where all you do is lay down on your back with your eyes closed and be. There are profound benefits to this. Mostly deep relaxation and with that comes insight and healing.) It could be reading, journaling, or even watching a show–but don’t get too caught up in distractions like TV because at excess it will distract you from addressing and being with your feelings and learning and hearing the messages of your Divine Slam

Allow yourself to be with whatever pain comes your way. As Glennon Doyle Melton eloquently said “The cure for pain is in the pain.”

Don’t run from it–if it’s coming to you, be with it. And ironically, that will heal it faster. You’ll become wiser and then you can act differently and that’s how your life will transform. One small change in your behavior will lead to another change and this is the process of transformation.

It’s all the little shifts that lead to Big Shift.

If it feels like the shit is coming down, let it. If it’s coming down it means it needs to.

It means the old way wasn’t working and if you weren’t changing it, divine intervention is now doing it on your behalf.

So don’t try to clean it up and try to put everything in an orderly box to make sense of it.

Let the pieces fall. Let it fall apart. Then you can sweep it up, throw it away, and in that emptiness you have the possibility for the miracle you’ve been hoping for.

As Daphne Rose Kingma writes:

“It’s a law of physics that nature abhors a vacuum…Nature seeks to fill emptiness with fullness”

So if anything is falling apart, instead of trying to control it and hold it all together, let it fall. Be there with the fall. Keep Breathing.

The fall is helping you. Although it may not feel like it in the moment of overwhelm, confusion, and fear of change, in the end, whatever ends is the divine’s way of letting you start anew.

6 comments… add one
  • tezz t November 6, 2016,

    hi.I really dont know were to begin,as I am still goin through this tunnel of confusion, anger, stress and unsure.
    My mind is clogged up with thoughts,ideas,plans etc with no real road to see out.the sense of hopelessness just rest heavily on the mind hoping to find answers, solutions and ways to remedy the problems.just wanna see a better tomorrow

    • Tova Payne November 6, 2016,

      Hi Tezz
      I’m sending you a (hug)
      It’s hard to be in the tunnel.
      If you’re looking for a book for support, I can recommend: books from Daphne Rose Kingma are great. And at the moment Doreen Virtue’s book: Dont let Anything Dull Your Sparkle is Free from Hayhouse: http://www.learn.hayhouseu.com/dramadetox-ebook-us
      Sending you light,

  • Christina Comer October 16, 2016,

    Wow, this article was awesome! My daughter just had a baby and is a single mom. This birth is starting to seem overwhelming. I am going to share this article with her and hope it helps.
    Thanks Tova

    • Tova Payne October 16, 2016,

      Thank you Christina!


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