Fear can keep us hostage. If you’ve ever wanted to create something but stopped out of fear of failure–than you know what it’s like to allow fear to run the show.
Fear isn’t wrong. It’s not like you have to make a choice between fear and love … All you need to do is shine light on fear with a dose of love.
Don’t ignore it, or put it in a hiding place, neglecting an important part of your being. Welcome it, talk to it, and embrace it to your team of emotions. In this act of embracing it–you’ll crack the language of your fears and discover what it wants you to know.
Imagine fear was a friend you could talk to. At first it’s the kind of friend you feel uneasy around. But if you give fear a chance, she’s actually not that bad.
In fact, she might have some incredible insight for you and help you become a stronger more courageous person than you ever imagined yourself to be.
If you lend your hand out with love to the fear that drapes around you, and speak to it heart to heart, you’ll learn why she came to visit, and then you’ll be able to shift its’ energy into powerful fuel to ignite you forward.
Remember every emotion is energy and energy cannot be created or destroyed (law of physics!) But it can be transformed.
Fear without a voice is a tremendous energy that keeps us at a permanent red light (Stuck!) But when you talk to fear–you’ll be able to move forward and take positive action from a grounded and clear space.
Take my friend Jack. He’s been afraid of letting his parents down. He’s afraid that if he tells them that he’s not able to join them for Christmas this year that they’ll feel unloved and that they’ll think he’s selfish.
This fear can then cause Jack to do one of two things:
- Visit his family even though he’ll resent it and feel like he’s giving up his dreams to appease them.
- He won’t go but will feel terribly guilty about it. The whole time the guilt will weigh him down to the place of heaviness where he starts to feel that he might as well have gone since he can’t enjoy himself due to the heavy burden of guilt he’s feeling…
Either option is a loss. So what’s the solution?
Write your fear a love letter and see what wisdom fear has to say.
So Jack wrote Fear all his feelings and how he felt torn. He then asked fear to reply.
Now bear with me. We all know this is not a cartoon movie where fear shows up as a cute costumed being who physically writes a letter.
But there is a power to this process of writing down on one sheet of paper all your feelings and what you’re afraid of.
When you’re done, take a deep breath. Then, on a new sheet of paper with a different colored pen, write back as if you were fear writing the answer back.
To do this all you need to do is intend to be the voice of fear answering your question, and to trust that your higher guidance will help you out. At first you may feel silly, but within a few sentences you’ll feel surprised by the wisdom that shines through.
This is the response Jack got:
“Dear Jack. You’re right. That’s why I’m showing up. Thank you for writing me, because now you recognize exactly why I’ve come to you. I know how scary it is to let people down, but actually it’s scarier to not have boundaries. If you visit someone when you don’t truly want to, on some level it is felt and in the end it doesn’t help anyone, even if on the surface it seems like it does. Look, I’m not going anywhere. I’m fear and my job is to show you your options and help you remember that you can invoke courage to help you make a wise decision from your heart – from love.”
Once Jack saw that fear was loving and showing him his choices, he decided to gather up courage and explain the whole thing to his family.
They were sad that he wouldn’t be there, but since he shared what he was feeling from a heartfelt place, explaining to them the opportunity he had to go to Peru and study a special course, they were able to be happy for him despite their sadness of missing him over the holidays.
Not everyone will be as understanding as Jack’s parents. Sometimes the other party will lash out as bad as fear told you they would.
Not everyone will be able to meet you heart to heart. Not everyone will be able to put their desires aside and merely want what’s best for your personal growth, or even be able to understand feelings that don’t match their views!
But if you speak to fear and let her speak back to you from the place of love, you’ll be able to ground yourself in a more honest and courageous choice.
Even if the other party doesn’t respond back with love and understanding, you’ll have still made the courageous choice from your heart guiding you. And that’s a choice you can ultimately be at peace with, even if it means letting someone else down.
Letting someone else down can be uncomfortable, but nothing’s more painful than betraying the truth from your heart.