Writer, Advisor + Consultant

10 Steps to Making Better Choices

Everyday we’re left with choices:

  • Will you start your day pressing snooze or sit up and meditate?
  • Will you get a doughnut or make a smoothie before leaving the house?
  • Will you approach your work with a scattered mind as you multi-task or will you close off all distractions and fully focus on one project ?

Life and work is full of choices. Some days we make better choices and some days we don’t.

In the end we hope to make better choices on the little things—because it will make it easier when you’re faced with the big things..

Some days you’ll be faced with Bigger Choices:

  • You’re asked to take a pay-cut or quit
  • You’ve given your notice, but your boss wants you to stay and offers you a raise—now you’re faced with choosing to stay for the money or follow the calling that made you want to quit in the first place…
  • A colleague asks if you’d be willing to give up one of your seminars/clients/classes to them
  • A friend asks you to teach one of their classes when you’re already feeling overbooked
  • You’re faced choosing between going to your son’s baseball game or daughter’s gymnastics practice…I couldn’t imagine how you’d negotiate that choice—but life is full of tough choices, some of them seem impossible, even unfair to make.

So how do you deal with the bigger choices?

What I’ve found is this:

  1. It’s tough. You’ll wish this choice wasn’t on your plate, and you’ll wish your mind wasn’t being occupied by this predicament
  2. But you still have to make a choice. You’ll instantly feel an inner battle between your mind/ego and your heart/soul
  3. What appears to be the “right” or “kind” decision may not be the heart/soul-based decision
  4. You’ll likely fight with your ego—the part of you that tells you what you should do and that worries what others will think of you
  5. Give yourself the time to play this all out—allow your mind the time and space to release all the conflicting thoughts. Lay out all the emotions and thoughts on the table—this is the fastest way to come to an honest decision—An honest decision is one that is true for you and feels right to your heart and soul—even if on the outside it seems unfair/unkind/is misunderstood by others
  6. Give yourself a few days to process the choice if you can… After completing step #5 you’ll usually know the honest choice within an hour of feeling the choice through… Adding another day or two helps you confirm what your heart and gut knew all along, and in case there is any other information you need you’ll have time to sit with it and settle into your decision with more confidence
  7. As you gather information over the next few days, take time to be present with what comes up. Meditation and time in nature are great ways to gain clarity
    Sure, you’ll likely wish you didn’t have to make this choice and wish it wasn’t renting space in your mind. But use this opportunity to learn the greater lessons that are emerging from this situation. Choice calls on us to be all of who we are and to stand up for our truth without being swayed by fear of what others will think.
  8. Be with any emotions that arise. Let’s say you feel bad about your choice or that either choice feels bad—sit with that feeling. Ask the feeling what message it has for you. Invite this experience to be a deepening of your relationship with yourself.
  9. Recognize that choices are indeed difficult, and sometimes you will be misunderstood or people will be hurt. Practice being OK with saying no (because whenever we make a choice, the other choice is a no)
  10. Thank yourself for giving yourself the time to go through the choice practice with heart-integrity. Know that the mere fact that you took the time to be with the feelings and make a choice from your heart and soul—that you are walking in the direction guided to your highest good, and in the highest good for all.


When you feel really torn, yet you know you’re leaning on one side you can say something like this to the Universe:

Universe—I need your help and I need you to step in. Im 99% sure of my choice now….But if I’m wrong, and if I should choose the other option—make it so evident and so clear that I couldn’t know any other way.”

—at that point you can even lay out in your mind a scenario that if it happened you would know with certainty the choice to make.

Then the practice is to let go—surrender, you can end with the words “So be it”

Choices are never easy. Especially the choices we wish we did not have to make. But when you make them from your inner core: your heart and soul, despite the difficulty and fear—know that you’re honouring truth and acting in integrity of the heart.  Trust that in the end, the other person impacted by your choice will be ok. They too will be held and will learn the lessons they need to learn.


Wishing you light and clarity as you walk forward in heart-based choices ♥

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4 comments… add one
  • Teresa Pêgo April 14, 2016,

    I really enjoyed this article. It was extremely helpful in this phase of my life, because it is phase in which I’m dealing with some difficult decisions to make. Sometimes the right article, the right words at a certain moment of our lives can really help us to act and to finally decide, from the heart/soul. I’m really thankfull for these words.

    • Tova Payne April 14, 2016,

      ((hugs)) Thank you Teresa – wishing you the best as you navigate choice, and thanks for your comment 🙂


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