Writer, Advisor + Consultant

How to Get Unstuck

The key to getting unstuck:

Have you ever wanted two things at the same time? I remember back in my University days I used to feel like if only I could be split in two—one part of me wanted to keep travelling, and the other part wanted to finish my psych degree. In order to get unstuck—I had to find a solution that would allow all parts of me to coexist. (The solution was finishing my degree, attending a study abroad program in Mexico and saving up every penny to take additional trips during the summer)

When you feel split inside—wanting two opposite things, it makes it difficult to manifest what you want.

I remember another time—on the surface I wanted a program I developed to fill with participants, yet secretly there was a part of me that hoped it wouldn’t fill since I had other plans that conflicted with its timing (Verdict: the program flopped)

When you want two opposite things at the same time—you create an inner tug of war.

In order to get unstuck you need to get all internal forces on the same side.

This is alignment. Alignment is about getting all parts of yourself in agreement, and that’s how you move your desires from “I have a dream” to “I’m living my dream.”

Clarity on what you want is necessary to creating what you want.

From both the spiritual teachings of Paulo Coehlo who famously said

When you want something, the whole universe conspires with you to help you achieve it”

…To hearing this talk from Entrepreneur Barbara Corcoran—who holds the same sentiment—

Once you put your mind on going forward on anything there’s almost like a battlecry that goes out to the universe and the world rallies around you.” 

In order to get unstuck—you need laser-focsed clarity—where every part of you is on the same side.

When we’re in conflict—whether we acknowledge it or not, we’re out of alignment. That’s when we find ourselves stuck. We’ll stay stuck until we make a decision about what we really want.

Until we clearly choose what we want, we’ll be in a consistent tug of war with opposite desires. Surely, the side that’s stronger will make a little movement forward, but the part of you that’s resisting will hold you back. In the end you’ll feel like you’re struggling—that no matter how hard you work nothing works out.

Another common place you may have struggled with opposing desires is wanting to get healthier. There’s a part of yourself that says “I want to feel good, eat better, get more sleep, and exercise more.” There’s another part of you that says “But I’m tired and just want to eat/do [insert overindulgence]”

That inner tug of war will leave you making some progress but then halting or falling back. Competing forces stop you from getting what you think you want.

In order to get unstuck you need to get into alignment. That means acknowledging that there’s competing forces—parts of you that want what you say you want, but equally powerful forces that don’t.

Sometimes self-sabotage is the unconscious force. There’s a part of you that wants to put on a workshop but another part of you that’s afraid, feels you’re not good enough, afraid of criticism…The competing force of self-sabotage keeps you stuck—often in perfection-mode saying things like “This project just isn’t ready yet.”

So how do you get unstuck and into alignment so that your projects can move forward faster?

  1. Before embarking upon a project ask yourself if you really want it. Give yourself time to think through what things you’ll be giving up if you commit. For example if you say you want to write a book—this could mean giving up spare time, or waking up extra early. Take an honest inventory of what the project entails and ask yourself if you’re committed anyways
  2. Once you’ve decided you’re all in—be aware of anytime you face massive friction. When you feel really stuck, give yourself a time-out to meditate and ask your higher guidance what is blocking you from moving forward? Often you’ll discover that somewhere along the way you moved out of alignment.
  3. Commit to returning to alignment. Discard everything that is not you. This means if you started writing your book, and then you hit massive friction once you started writing a section that you thought should go into the book, but your heart’s just not in it—that’s a sign to let that section go. Your project does not have to be everything you think it should be. It only needs to be what your whole self wants to bring forward.

When we’re facing blocks in our life, it’s frustrating. Often we feel confused, afraid, and stuck. These feelings are gifts.

Yes that’s right—gifts! Because the moment we feel those things we’re being asked to stop. We need to take a birds-eye view and assess what’s out of alignment so that we can we get back on track.

Sometimes all we need to do is give ourselves some thinking time/time away in nature/a self-made retreat….And other times we need an outside perspective.

In order to get unstuck—you need to pull yourself out of your situation for a moment and get the clarity you need.

If you need help getting perspective and clarity to bring yourself back into alignment—check out the Clarity Session. Together we’ll clear out the confusion, and get clear about the best way to move forward. Click here to claim your spot.

4 comments… add one
  • Rebecca February 21, 2016,

    Hello Tova,
    I stumbled across you via a post on Collective Evolution whic lead me here and your words have really spoken to me. You have no idea how much you have just made a massive shift in my perspective. Your post about the throat chakra being blocked has opened my eyes and helped me to realise what has been wrong for so long !
    Also you mentioned being torn between finishing your psych degree and travelling, I’m having exactly that problem. I am 22 years old and have enrolled to study psychology this september as a “mature student”. Being a mature student makes me feel like I have left it too long and I need to hurry up. But my heart is saying whats the rush and to wait a year because I want to travel with a friend.
    I really cannot decide, one day I’m all for university and other times I can’t even sleep because I doubt if anything I’m doing is right.

    I will definitely be working on opening/unblocking my throat chakra after reading your advice and will definitely keep up with your future posts 🙂
    Thank you for making me feel like it’s okay to not want to do the ‘right’ thing sometimes and to listen to within.

    Best wishes,

    • Tova Payne February 21, 2016,

      Hi Rebecca
      Thank you for your comment. Your words mean a lot to hear 🙂 I’m so happy that the CE article helped you receive insight.
      I’ll love to hear how your decision unfolds.
      Thank you again for all your kind words, Im so happy these articles have made a difference 🙂


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